I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
