even my farts smell like vagina
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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