she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
