im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
