it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
