i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
