I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
