I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
