hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
