I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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