Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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