Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i was born a porn star she said
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
