Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize