Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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