Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
