i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
