that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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