so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i used baking grease as lip gloss
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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