I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
