i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize