what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
