If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
