Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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