she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
