can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
