We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
