Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
