as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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