So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
