You made me cry and you don't even care
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize