I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
