speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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