Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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