so explain again why im purple
no
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
