Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
