she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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