Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
