you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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