I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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