I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
