it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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