oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
