I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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