Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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