Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
