another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
