I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
