I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
