I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
