whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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