mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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