he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize