drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You made out with two different species that night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
