About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
