i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
