the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
