the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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