Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
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