And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
