i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
