I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
