Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He shit in the fireplace
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
