actually, I'm a sock model
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
