Your face is a jimmy john
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
