Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize