I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
