glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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