what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
