You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would fuck him just for his dog
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
