After last night, I could never be a politician.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize