So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
