I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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