love makes seman taste better
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
