This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize