Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
