he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
